You can bring me flowers, baby, when I'm dead and gone

What is it about an ex that makes them somehow completely and utterly aware of when there's someone new and exciting in your life? Or how do they know when you're happy at all? Is there some kind of inexplicable ESP we've developed with them during the time we were with them? And most curious of all, do guys suffer from this as well?


My dear friend Isabelle and I were discussing a fantastic first date she went on last night; he's cute, charming, cool, and most importantly she really likes him. And then the bomb went off. On her ride home she got a phone call from an unknown number and picked it up assuming it was her new boy. Instead, her most serious of all exes, let's call him "Douche Bag", or DB for short (he was nothing short of one the ENTIRE relationship), is on the other line. She can't figure out how every single time she's been on an emotional high he has managed to know and contacts her!

Allow me to present another case to you. The fabulous, Ophelia, has had one of the most turbulent past relationships I've ever known. Back when we were college roommates, she and Paul quickly fell in love. And although they fought like crazy people, they were so crazy and passionately in love, that they saw past it. Two years and countless fights, storming out of parties, bottles of wine and Xanax cocktails later, they ended. She moved to Paris and began dating other guys, yet every single time she was feeling butterflies he would somehow know and email her, until they eventually got back together, despite being continents apart. Once back in NYC, they continued their relationship only to see it end again. Now, two years later she has a new beau that she's in love with and still somehow seems to hear from him every so often.

And then there's me. Things are really going well for me! The job is shaping up in a pretty decent way, I'm moving out of my parent’s house and after a 4 month dating leave of absence I'm dating again and actually kind of digging someone! Yet somehow I have heard from all 3 of my serious ex-boyfriends in the past week. All fucking 3! There's the long term, serious, college boyfriend who I've recently had drinks with and finally found some peace with (my equivalent of Ophelia's Paul), as well as the year long on-and-off, now 30, ex-boss bf, who decided it was time to invite me to a party. However, I think my favorite of them all, is the most recent, and most difficult to get over, Pretentious Pete (creative huh?), who contacted me because of my exposure to his favorite celebrity chef.

So tell me, what the hell is going on here?!? How is it that they know? And most of all, WHY? We've seen it with Mr. Big and Carrie, but they ultimately end up with each other. But I'm not a backtracker! I wouldn't go back to high school or college, and I most definitely only look forward to meeting my future boys. So here's my proposal, when you're "____'s happy radar" starts to go, leave them alone. Let them be. Turn your radar off and keep walkin'!

I hear you callin' Uncle and I'm payin' my tax.

Due to my impending move, and my 3 years of home-with-the-parents living without saving a penny, I did my taxes early this year. I realize this kind of makes me a freak, but the only joy I get from paying off my student loans all year long is knowing that it helps me get a significant amount of money (really only by my standards, others would probably scoff at my refund) back come tax time. Like any young manhattan woman, when I check my bank account and find a LARGE sum of money I immediately want to blow it. And I mean all of it. After all, I'm over the winter weather and tights, and highly looking forward to the pastels, florals, khakis and bare legs of spring.

This, my dearest, does put me in quite the predicament. With the approaching "first month + security" I have coming up I must make sure I'll have enough! Because of this, I have put together my list of spring/tax rebate must haves (so far).

-Calvin Klein Collection "Remi" Leather Oxfords 
Aren't these puppies polished? So great with rolled khakis and a lace blouse or wonderful with a suit and silk top.

-Helmut Lang Skinny Leather Pants
Wow. They're Angelina and Rolling Stones in one. I would love to slip these on.

-Chanel Le Vernis Nail Colour
I'm a big fan of doing black when everyone else is doing pastels. 


-Free People Desert Storm Cargo Jacket
I've always been one for army details. Taking something rugged and manly and finding a way to fem it up makes the entire look unexpectedly pretty.


-One-shoulder dress
A cheapy Victoria's Secret dress for under a $100, but I think it's the ultimate party dress! Shows up my favorite feature ("she's got legs and she knows how to use them") and stays a bit covered on top, all while being tight and having rouching around my pooch area!


-My Pants Cargo Pant
I'm bringing up the army details again, but these pants rolled to the ankle with a pair of pink heels and some pearls would be beautiful! Not to underestimate the power of these with some chucks and a vintage tee.


-Dolce Vita "Manny" High Heel Mules
Ok, ok. I already bought these... but you can see why! They will go with EVERYTHING. Metallic? Check. Can wear bare legged, with cute dress socks or with tights? Check. Check. 


-CC Skye Meckenzie Knuckle Ring
BAD. ASS.


-Chanel Classic quilted bag
Last but not least, the dream. The bag that will go with absolutely everything and class up the grungiest of ensembles. Unfortunately, my rebate-spree wouldn't even cover half of this beauty. Fret not, I have every intention of getting this for myself with my first ginormous paycheck. 


Of course, I'm not going to get all of this stuff (bye-bye Chanel and Helmut), after all I do need to save for apartment things. Plus my Jewieness would never allow such a splurge. So I'll shop around. Potentially find a cheaper, but just as rad version of this and that, and will move into my new estrogen dominated bedroom with some lovely Spring clothing updates.