You can bring me flowers, baby, when I'm dead and gone

What is it about an ex that makes them somehow completely and utterly aware of when there's someone new and exciting in your life? Or how do they know when you're happy at all? Is there some kind of inexplicable ESP we've developed with them during the time we were with them? And most curious of all, do guys suffer from this as well?


My dear friend Isabelle and I were discussing a fantastic first date she went on last night; he's cute, charming, cool, and most importantly she really likes him. And then the bomb went off. On her ride home she got a phone call from an unknown number and picked it up assuming it was her new boy. Instead, her most serious of all exes, let's call him "Douche Bag", or DB for short (he was nothing short of one the ENTIRE relationship), is on the other line. She can't figure out how every single time she's been on an emotional high he has managed to know and contacts her!

Allow me to present another case to you. The fabulous, Ophelia, has had one of the most turbulent past relationships I've ever known. Back when we were college roommates, she and Paul quickly fell in love. And although they fought like crazy people, they were so crazy and passionately in love, that they saw past it. Two years and countless fights, storming out of parties, bottles of wine and Xanax cocktails later, they ended. She moved to Paris and began dating other guys, yet every single time she was feeling butterflies he would somehow know and email her, until they eventually got back together, despite being continents apart. Once back in NYC, they continued their relationship only to see it end again. Now, two years later she has a new beau that she's in love with and still somehow seems to hear from him every so often.

And then there's me. Things are really going well for me! The job is shaping up in a pretty decent way, I'm moving out of my parent’s house and after a 4 month dating leave of absence I'm dating again and actually kind of digging someone! Yet somehow I have heard from all 3 of my serious ex-boyfriends in the past week. All fucking 3! There's the long term, serious, college boyfriend who I've recently had drinks with and finally found some peace with (my equivalent of Ophelia's Paul), as well as the year long on-and-off, now 30, ex-boss bf, who decided it was time to invite me to a party. However, I think my favorite of them all, is the most recent, and most difficult to get over, Pretentious Pete (creative huh?), who contacted me because of my exposure to his favorite celebrity chef.

So tell me, what the hell is going on here?!? How is it that they know? And most of all, WHY? We've seen it with Mr. Big and Carrie, but they ultimately end up with each other. But I'm not a backtracker! I wouldn't go back to high school or college, and I most definitely only look forward to meeting my future boys. So here's my proposal, when you're "____'s happy radar" starts to go, leave them alone. Let them be. Turn your radar off and keep walkin'!